Concerned About My Young Daughter...

[ghoniba]

Hi Gang:

Not sure if this is the right place for my concerns or not, but thought some of you may have had experience with my situation and can offer some advice. I do plan on seeing our family doctor to discuss this as well.

Here is my situation, I work-out 6 days a week, watch what I eat, read food labels, measure my portions, carry healthy snacks with me if we're out for extended periods of time and sure I am concerned with keeping 'in-shape' I don't eat junk food, probably not all that much different from many of you on here.

The problem is my 9 year old daughter who is very close to me is doing the same thing. She is a perfectionist. She no longer eats any treats or junk food ever, even on my cheat day, she won't even have one 'cheat' meal. I used to make oatmeal waffles... she used to love them now she no longer touches them. Refuses her grandmother's homemade cookies she used to love, is very fussy about what she eats... when she eats. She measures her lunches for school! ( I have told her this is totally unnecessary) She does eat well if it's something she likes, but just isn't flexible and causes a scene if it's not. My wife went on a weeks holiday with her and my other daughter and told me she was a real handful as she refused restaurant food as she felt it wasn't 'healthy' She does gymnastics exercises in the house every night. I started walking her to school, if I tell her I can't do it one morning she'll cry. Tells me it's because she enjoys it, but can't help feeling it's because she feels she needs the exercise.

She certainly isn't over-weight and never has been (she's 60lbs). I don't believe anyone has ever told her she was over weight.

Having said that it probably doesn't sound all that bad that she is careful about what she eats and doesn't eat junk food, but being so young I am concerned about her development and wonder if this could turn into an eating disorder. People who hadn't seen her for a while thought that she had lost a lot of weight, not that any of us are over-weight to begin with.

I have always been very open with her, encourage her to try different things, explain to her that I'm at a different age and my needs are different. She told me she wants to eat healthy food because she wants to: 'live a long time and not get sick' Seems a little much for a 9 year old.

I don't know what to do to change her mindset.

She does seem happy, does very well in school, sleeps well so know signs of any other problems.

Have any of you experienced anything like this with your kids?

I would be grateful for any advice.

Thank you, Glenn

[.V.]

If you don't see unhealthy habits developing then you probably don't need to worry. Just watch her. My little one went throught a phase at age 9 where she was doing everything I did. She was my little training partner. She ate what I ate. She was very careful about eating "healthy" and also refused treats and snacks. It didn't last terribly long and I just made sure she had a nice variety of healthy treats such as fruits and healthy carbs such as whole grain pasta and whole wheat bread put in front of her to support good growth and good health for a child.

Then she got into her powerlifter phase sometime while she was 10 and decided to eat like one. She actually got very strong for her age and was the home run queen of little league. Eventually she looked more like a little football player than a cheerleader when that season came around...but some running quickly took care of that. Now she just wants to eat like a kid...but the old habits of making healthier choices are still with her so in the end...it's all good.

Just watch out that you don't see signs of anorexia or bulemia developing and she should be fine. Giving her choices does give her a sense of control and power in her life which greatly reduces the risk of developing an eating disorder. Eating disorders in young girls are very often the result of feeling powerless and are a way to gain control of something...which in their particular case is control of not eating.

BTW, I'm not a doctor, psychologist, or nutritionist, but I did stay at a holiday inn express once. . Naah, really I do spend a lot of time with that kind of people and what I've posted is what they've told me.

Give her lots of hugs and let her watch her Daddy enjoy his cheats and stumble here and there being an inperfect human being.

I like Andy's counsel.

[Rufiedodg]

Why do you work-out 6 days a week, watch what you eat, read food labels, measure portions?

Is the answer similar to your daughters reply?

Without being too philosophical, IMO—this behavior has much more to do with personality than it does an eating disorder, or simply following someone’s example.

Her reply, “I want to live a long life and not get sick“ says a lot. She lives in the future. “Meaning people” think about the future a lot.

I am a “meaning person” who thinks about the future a lot, and is my motivation for eating right and keeping fit.

Also know that measuring food portions is pretty extreme behavior even in the world of fitness. I know of people who measure for a while to get a feel for portion size, but definitely NOT a long term habit. This has more to do with control, order, process, details—a whole different personality altogether (structure, or engineering type)

A bit puzzling but personality driven IMO

Dan

[Hannster30]

I would have to disagree with you there Dan. Although may people only need a sample to get the feel for a portion, many people have issues with over eating if they don't have an exact measurement of what to eat. I don't think it too extreme I think it is just plain sensible, and it has helped quite a few people lose weight.

To the original question I don't think your daughter is going in the wrong direction. Personally I think you are setting a good example for her. Many children begin to eat crappy food all the time and then progress through life still eating crappy food. I think she will develop a better balance between the foods she eats with in the near future. And therefore be much healthier than children her age. I must also add that your daughter seems very very intelligent for her age.

[ghoniba]

Thank you all very much for you input, I appreciate you taking the time to write. I was feeling somewhat guilty as she obviously mimics me. I wish to do her no harm. I do feel better hearing your comments.

I agree that there is something to be said for what Dan has mentioned. I think there are some personality traits mixed in there! I do like order and am detail orientated... so is my daughter! Very interesting comment.

I do find measuring helps me to know what to adjust if something isn't working. That is the reason I measure. I find it has helped a lot and I have been able to figure out my exact metabolic needs. OK, there is a control trait again!

Thank you again, Glenn

[Rufiedodg]

She’s NOT mimicking you Glenn. She may have picked up the idea from you, but that is as far as it goes. ANYONE who measures food proportions LONG TERM has a “structure” personality. In archetypal language the energy is called (engineer)

I just went through “yet another” sales seminar. This one was quite interesting. Toward the end of the session, the instructor had us sit beneath the sign that most identified each of our personalities. The signs were—structure, action, meaning, and relationship. As a group (with respect to which sign we sat under) we made a list of what is important to us. It is amazing the similarities within each group, yet the differences among each category (with respect to habits and overall thought process).

From a sales perspective, action people have a big problem communicating with relationship people and vice versa. By the same token, a meaning person has a hard time communicating with a structure person and vice versa. The point of the seminar was to recognize personalities and adjust accordingly.

For me the experience was enlightening (from a spiritual perspective—I could really care less about sales).

I had no idea people were coded so differently.

I’ve actually taken this a step further. (Doing so by the way has nothing to do with sales, and everything to do with me being a “meaning” person). About 5 years ago I picked up a book by Caroline Myss called “Secret Contracts” (yet another sign of a meaning person). According to Myss, everyone is coded with 12 personality traits, or what she calls “archetypes” (collective energy coming from the divine) Of the 12, 4 are survival archetypes we all share, with the remaining 8 being individual. The idea is to identify and work you archetypes to discover and live your contract on earth.

Makes sense to me.

Dan

[bigmaii]

im sure its just a phase..no need to worry about it..start to worry when she's in her teenage years when boys get in the picture lol

[sweetdream]

i took a lot of psychology classes and although I never got my phd they talk a lot about "modeling" when someone does something and some one else models it.

considering she is 9 years old, I am sure she is smart, and quick to learn new things and how the world works she sees her father making healthy choices and I think this will only benefit her in the end when she's your age or even when she is a teenager, she will grow up saying her favorite foods are strawberries and carrots rather than chips and pretzels,

IMHO I think she knows that if her father is healthy and this is what he does to stay that way then it must be a way to stay healthy too...I wouldn't worry until it becomes a bigger "body image" issue.. I agree that giving her affection because actions speak louder than words but also using words to encourage her fitness state and not just her physical appearance. continue to be open with her and allow her to know your concerns if they get to that point

[ghoniba]

Thank you again for the input. I do feel much better about it now. I do give both my daughters a lot of affection and words of encouragement in whatever they do so I don't think I'm lacking in those areas. They seem quite confident.

Thanks again, Glenn