How to motivate a client?

[Merrida]

I'm looking for some suggestions. My goal with her is to take more responsibility for her overall general fitness, including her nutrition and workouts and cardio. The only way we journal her workouts are when I train her (twice a week), but she "tells" me she does more cardio on off days (which I ask her to record,...but she forgets). She also has to check her blood sugar twice a day, and I've been trying to get her check it even once a day and email me or phone me every morning with her fasting AM reading. In 10 days I've gotten TWO readings from her (on the days we had sessions). Other than that, she admits freely she has not taken her readings (so it isn't like she just doesn't have the time to get results to me, she out & out doesn't take them).

Since we're trying to monitor everything, this is just a general fitness question, but pertaining in how to get her to record, or even DO what she needs to.

I've seen diabetics with no hands and feet (I've shared horror stories with her trying to motivate her to take her readings),...I've tried motivational speeches, encouraging her when she makes contact,....

I know she won't do anything until she's ready and wants to, and I have the hardest time understanding when she tells me of her goals and how concerned she is about her health not just her weight, and yet every attempt I make to get her to do what she needs to, she acknowledges she knows she should, and why I'm asking, but she just giggles a lot (she's one of those,....gigglers,....nerves no doubt).

So anyone have any suggestions or recommendations short of showing up at her door, dropping a cement block on her pan, or sticking her with a cattle prod, that might reach out to her,....something I'm missing that may be blatantly obvious to someone not so close to the situation.....bearing in mind I also don't want to lose her as a paying client either (because there's a part of me that wants to withold working with her if she doesn't buckle down,....but that isn't fair, because part of what I'm there for is to not give up on her & let her know I AM there!)

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Ferris Bueller? Anyone?

[.V.]

Ask her:
"why are you here?"
"what do you want?"
"how bad do you want it?"

Wisdom from Mr. P that I have borrowed and ask everyone I deal with who needs motivation. "How bad do you want it" works well for many people because it puts the responsibility for results or lack of them directly on their own shoulders.

BTW, one lady who couldn't lose weight, couldn't get it right, couldn't exercise, didn't have time... yeah, all the usual excuses who I started working with 16 weeks ago is now in her 17 year old daughter's clothes and when she got out her winter clothes today...the straddle was down to almost her knees.

Just the simple, blunty put question got her going.

And her workout is...
...
...
...
wait for it...
...
...
...
...
worth the wait...
...
...
...
...
Just curves...and still spectacular results.

[Merrida]

I'm totally on board with you re: Just about any activity I can get her to do, I'm happy with. The only 2 I can validate are the ones I'm with. I'm getting more rigid on the time I spend with her because she has this habbit of giggling so much when she can't get something right that she uses it as an excuse to stop and gab. I've put the brakes on that one quick (as well as how she stops lifting when I talk).

So the days we work together admittedly are good days but they show me she isn't doing much on her own or we'd be progressing quicker.

A mere 2 hours a week, the burden rests on her shoulders to do the rest of the work. Her verbal responses to the questions you (and I) ask (which are the same) are how very much she wants it, especially given the recent health scare with her mother in the hospital, she had to be revived,....again. She's getting family pressure/support to get healthy (first concern) and lose weight (we have the whole body fat and bulking up thing to contend with routinely),...Since I home train her, I'm trying to get her to either use the gym at her work or buy a package at one of my clubs and get one more workout in per week just for a short period of time.

But the intent is: Trying to get her to measure (and send me) her blood sugar readings is like pulling teeth (with four roots) with wet finger tips. Something that simple, and asking for a food and workout journal feels like the impossible.

She's gotten to the point where I've noticed the girl who generally loves to gab, won't return my calls or emails where I ask for her info (which I'm offering to log for her if she provides the info).

She wants to regain her health "very badly"...she's "very concerned".....wants to lose weight,...wants to get off her meds.....wants to be around for her family. The words are there, but the actions don't follow suit.

That's why I'm asking anyone here for some potential approaches I may be missing out on because I'm too tangled up in her incongruity (which is a mistake, getting too involved),....but it's to the point where I don't view this as a challenge but a chore, and that's totally not cool, or fair.

[jallen]

trying to get other people motivated is damn hard, and sometimes impossible. Especially this case. She's had the family health scares, and that didn't even do it. You've obviously offered her a lot already. It kind of sounds like you're at the point of being the nagging parent and she's the child, fighting you even tho she knows you're right. She's all talk no action, so she pretty much fits in with like 75% of everyone.

It may just be that she needs to see the results in someone else so she can see it's possible to attain her goals. To be able to physically see someone else's transformation or be able to talk with or even train with someone else who is successful and motivated and has been in her shoes could be huge. Or just someone that will make her accountable other than her trainer. It's amazing how often a person will come workout purely because they don't want to let down their training partner by not showing. It may be the home training that's hindering her. Apparently her results have been lackluster to date, so to her it may seem that her ideal goal is impossible, because all she knows is what she's seen in herself.

At the end of the day tho, no extrinsic motivation is gonna work long term. You can scare them for a while, guilt trip them, reward them, punish them, but once those motivators are gone, it's over. They have to find it in themselves, you can only do so much. Heck i think we spent like 3 weeks on motivation alone in my Sport Psych class, and there really is no concrete answer. And if you could find one, you'd be an instant millionaire.

get her on an internet forum or in some kind of support group outside of you, and her family who's really not gonna do anything unless they workout with her. I think you need to give her some tough love. Some blatant, in your face, i think you don't even give a crap and i question why i should even waste my time with you. Tell her it's not fair. Tell her it's a chore for you. Give her the wake up call slap in the face she needs. Sometimes you've gotta be an asshole, and i think that time is now. I guess you can be the judge of that though.

good luck

[Lady C]

You can't help the unwilling!! You can lead a horse to water but you can make her drink. It will take a tramatic event to wake her up because she does not WANT it bad enough. The sad part is she is paying for your help and getting nothing out of it.

[Merrida]

Originally Posted by Lady C

You can't help the unwilling!! You can lead a horse to water but you can make her drink. It will take a tramatic event to wake her up because she does not WANT it bad enough. The sad part is she is paying for your help and getting nothing out of it.

She's lost 50 pounds since we started working together, so it isn't like she isn't getting anything out of our sessions,....but that took years to do. She is excited about that weight loss, her family has seen it but without really acknowledging it, they remind her she still has a ways to go (you know how some families show their "support" -- my family was this way, not acknowledging what I DID accomplish but rather remind me of what I had left to do).

She's been at a plateau for the past few months which is why she told me she wants to kick up her training, and she set timed goals and measurable goals. If it weren't for that I'd be happy with her losing 1 pound every 6 weeks, but she actually does have a realistic goal of losing 15 pounds in 16 weeks,....but she won't do what's necessary to make that specific timed goal a reality.

Yes, I've become the nagging parent. Yes I'm leading an unwilling ox with great verbal skills, dragging her to the drinking trough. The fact she has had results, I know she can do this if she puts her mind to it. What's bugging me is that I feel like I'm missing something,....there's got to be a way to get her to watch her diet. This isn't just about losing weight, this girl's fasting blood sugar based on the two times I've gotten them out of her were in the high 200's. She knows this is about her health, not just a physical thing, she's seen results, for herself, she knows my clients and has seen them lose weight, and she was in fact referred to me BY a client who is still with me, a coworker, so she sees him changing as well.

So guys, (and Lady), is this really a dead end issue? I mean, from my point, my position,....do I give up? Or do I keep pushing & trying? As Lady C pointed out, she's paying me,.....I want her to get what I know she can get, but she won't play nice.

[Doc2029]

I agree with Lady C. I don't think she'll do everything she needs to do until something makes her wake up and smell the coffee as it were. I think people need to be motivated not only by outside sources -friends, family and co-workers but internally as well. Everyone has their own reason for saying enough is enough... I am going to do this, I am going to get in to shape loose weight and get stronger. For some it is purely vanity, some it is health for others it is a combination. Personally for me it was both. I really disliked the way I looked, and It was effecting my health. In ways that I could see and feel.

People will do what they will do. You can't force them to do anything they do not want to do. But I think she wants to do the right thing but outside forces are against her and you.


For motivation for myself as well I look at my drivers licencse pic. Then at my CostCo pic from three years a go and say I see where I've been I see where I want to be again. I can do this. I know I can the proof is that pic. I just need to do what I know I need to do and set reasonable goals. I have the desire, I have the discipline I will become what I want in the end! My desire breeds discipline, my discipline breeds desire!

[Rufiedodg]

We are all too quick to assume she is getting nothing out of it.

And in this case, IMO we are too focused on the fitness part of healing (nutrition, and exercise).

What makes you think YOUR role in this women’s health is limited to offerings of better nutrition and exercise?

I really don’t like the way my hair dresser cuts my hair, but I keep going back. In fact I know many who would do a better job. The hair cut plays a small part in WHAT it is she offers me. There is an exchange of non judgmental wisdom—some sort of healing that occurs. This only happens with a few people in my life. In my case, I believe the relationship is supposed to happen. We are both getting something from each other that we need. It would be easy to say that this sort of relationship should take place outside of work such as with friends or whatever. But we do not pick who influence’s us, or heals us, or whatever, --the healing we need finds us, and in most cases not in the form of a counselor or doctor but rather a dancer or in your case a “fitness instructor”.

IMO you are much more than a fitness instructor.

My 2 cents

Dan

[Merrida]

Rufie, it's funny you should say this because I was mulling over this with a friend (who is not into fitness), and he said, "this is why you're a 'Personal' trainer,...she's getting something from you 'personally' that fills a void, and maybe you should chill on the 'trainer' part and realize she's getting what she needs."

I think she needs a friend. I think she's lonely. I think her personality isn't drawing the constant stream of attention she's in need of and that with me, she's guaranteed an hour of my attention being focused on her. One session we spent the first 15 minutes looking at old photos of her, showing me her family, showing me the food she's been eating and buying, the books she's been buying to learn how to eat better, the videos she buys to exercise to at home.

All this leads me to think she's paying me to be her friend, not really her trainer.

The impetus behind my question was her coming to me with a realistic goal of measurable intent. It feels wrong to present my services as something else, but maybe I'm not really wrong. I just feel like she's paying me to be her therapist (which every trainer is to some extent),.....

She didn't have time specific goals when she lost the 50 pounds,...and I took each session for what it was. It was her specificity that urged me to pose this question to my DF family for feedback.

Am I taking her verbal cues too seriously and should I instead take her physical actions more as a cue to her "real" desires, and back off before I push her away? But what if she gets no results,....I'll be the one who is the bad trainer, and that is what gnaws at me.

Help her hit her rock bottom in a kind and compassionate way. She may need to rip the seat of her pants in public or see a photo of herself while she is eating, something that publicly embarrasses her to make her angry and compel her to action greater than what she has expended thus far.

She needs to hit her rock bottom and get a real scare in my opinion. She has got to have ownership of her fitness and health, not you.

It is more challenging for you to do this for her when she is a paying client. In a perfect world, you could fire her as a client but that may not be a real choice in the club trainer dynamics in which you operate.

[Rufiedodg]

Merrida,

Just last week a customer of mine kept me in his office for over an hour discussing how he should negotiate a new job opportunity. He even called me on several occasions afterwards. And other than his wife I was the only person he talked to about this

I’m not a professional job, or negation specialist.

The point is he saw an aspect of my personality that could help him. And I felt really good about giving it to him.

"You" need to feel good about sharing a part of you that she requires however. The “you” getting something out of this experience needs to happen.

It completes the contract so to speak--

Once again though—don’t limit yourself to fitness only material. You are much more than that

Dan