Would you or would you not?

[Joanne]

I use to workout at the same gym where I met my ex- but ever since our break-up, I decided not to go back because it was too hard for me to see him and his fiance together. He is a personal trainer there. I decided to go to another gym (same organization) but it's all women, which I am not really enjoying. The gym is located upstairs in a store and small. Also, I am getting tired of being around women all the time. I work with mostly women (part-time job) and the majority of teachers are females (full-time job). I miss working out at my old gym because I knew so many people there and it was the type of gym that was family-oriented. I also liked the fact that it was co-ed because it gave me an opportunity to break out of my shell a little and talk to men and have them talk to me. I can be really shy at times but I liked it when I could meet other people besides just women.

I have been feeling somewhat upset and a little bitter about not being able to workout at my old gym but I told myself that it was in my best interest to not go back but I miss it sometimes and wish things were different. I know that I would feel somewhat uncomfortable being there because of what's happened (he really hurt me - lied about his new life while I was away at school - while still leading me on) and I had a really hard time moving forward. I just found out recently that his fiance had a child in Dec. and that was rough to hear. I was at the gym last summer (when he told me that the biggest mistake he made was going back to her and he expressed some of his feelings towards me - he misses me and thinks about me). I couldn't take it anymore so I left. I still had feelings for him (caring and hate at the same time or just confusion and frustration- lol). There are a few people that have asked me where I've been and why I haven't been there and I make something up because I didn't want to share my story with them. Only a few people know and they told me not to worry about it and just go and do my workout but it's not that easy. I thought about just doing the cycling classes because they are in a separate room and I know a friend who would join me because he has asked me on numerous occasions to go but I kept turning him down. What are your thoughts?

P.S. If I do decide to go back, it won't be for a while because I want to work on the emotional and mental part of it so that I am ready to handle being there again - meaning, being there and not feeling uncomfortable.
Thanks.

[threenorns]

TRY and keep me out of my gym, lol.

breaking up takes its toll, there's no question. i'm usually the one that leaves and i always go through the gamut.

it's my experience, though, that when i keep harbouring hope, it takes me longer to get over a breakup. there's no reason for you to feel bad about working out at that gym or even to see him with his new g/f. the guy obviously fancies himself a player. instead of resenting the other woman, pity her - if he actually marries her, she'll become The Wife and someone else will be the Other Woman. he probably tells himself stuff like "i can't limit myself to just one woman" or whatever.

are you less worthy as an individual because you escaped that trap? of course not! so why punish yourself? accept your friend's invitation and remember:

the best revenge is a good life.

[Joanne]

Thanks threenorns. You made some good arguments in there.

> are you less worthy as an individual because you escaped that trap? of course not! so why punish yourself? accept your friend's invitation and remember:
> the best revenge is a good life.'

True. I spend so much energy and time replaying the past and thinking about him that I am missing out having a good life. I want 2006 to be a new start for me and to let go of any hope that I had about him. I should be grateful that I don't have to live through any more of the hurt, lies, manipulation and drama. Instead of thinking about the good things, I try and remind myself of the not so wonderful moments when I was with him.

Sorry to hear of your pain but I will say this: what a wonderful opportunity for you to grow. In the darkness of your misery, look up in the sky and you'll see the brightest star you've ever seen; one what you would not be able to see otherwise.

I suggest that you go to your former gym, experience all the pain and hurt that arises from being there, and use it as an opportunity to know yourself better, and to know others who may have so much to offer you in the friendship department. Walk right throught the thick of your pain and all the darkness that is in its path. Asyou journey forward, be prepared to see the wonderful light and the great opportunities that lie ahead.

[TriplNipl]

Originally Posted by pierini

Sorry to hear of your pain but I will say this: what a wonderful opportunity for you to grow. In the darkness of your misery, look up in the sky and you'll see the brightest star you've ever seen; one what you would not be able to see otherwise.

I suggest that you go to your former gym, experience all the pain and hurt that arises from being there, and use it as an opportunity to know yourself better, and to know others who may have so much to offer you in the friendship department. Walk right throught the thick of your pain and all the darkness that is in its path. Asyou journey forward, be prepared to see the wonderful light and the great opportunities that lie ahead.

Absolutely Superb advice!

[Gearloose]

Originally Posted by pierini

I suggest that you go to your former gym, experience all the pain and hurt that arises from being there, and use it as an opportunity to know yourself better, and to know others who may have so much to offer you in the friendship department. Walk right throught the thick of your pain and all the darkness that is in its path. Asyou journey forward, be prepared to see the wonderful light and the great opportunities that lie ahead.

Don't forget. If the jerk comes up to you in the gym and starts to lay that old line of B.S. on you again, give him a hard knee to the 'nads. : Let him find another gym!