What to do when . . . ?

Sophie · 22-Mar-07, 09:56 PM

So, I buy a lot of the muscle mags, mostly FLEX and Muscle and Fitness. When anyone sees me with them, I get told how disgusting it is and drilled on why I was buying it, if I want to look like that, etc.

It's frustrating and it's making me feel like I have to hide that part of myself from everyone, because it's so radical and "disgusting" to them. I don't want to look like the "mass monsters" but I want to train hard and feel like I'd be lumped as "obsessive" and "addicted." Even if I was, those aren't good things to be known for.

My therapist wants me to make friends, but with everyone thinking people like Coleman and Cutler are "disgusting," I don't see how they could have such a drastic different opinion than I and us to get along.

Is this a common reaction among those who don't lift?

CF-OC_gal · 22-Mar-07, 10:04 PM

Watch out Sophie, you'll grow up to be me!

I remember those comments well. Even though I am far removed from the BB scene I just had to watch TLC last night while they followed a female competitor from the UK at the Ms Olympia. Same thing with the "night of champions" that the college holds for their football team. I love checking the results.

It's who you are. Just make sure you have balance in your social life.

**.V.** · 23-Mar-07, 12:04 AM

I don't buy them, but if you like to read them tell the haters what I would tell them.

Sorry, can't tell you what I'd actually say on an open forum. But it's not kind.

And if you want to look like one of them...go for it. There isn't anything that looks better than a well develped woman who obviously puts in the time and effort to look good.

Remember those that think of you as obsessed or addicted are most often fat lazy people. I was once a fat lazy person myself and the people from back then that I still hang out with simply don't understand my new way of life.

To make friends that are like minded simply do the things that you love to do and the people that are doing those same things are the ones that have similar interests.

For example when I was young, I never met a good girl in a bar. I never met a lazy person at karate or kungfu class. I never made a drinking buddy in church (don't drink much anyway but you get the idea). It's pretty easy to make friends with similar interests.

**minime** · 23-Mar-07, 06:36 AM

I hear you sophie : i find it hard to get along with people too.. probably because my loves are working out hard, clean eating and that sort of thing... and everybody i know seems to only enjoy drinking and smoking! Nobody understands, and i think often people actually feel sorry for me because i no longer like to go out and get wasted every week, and i dont 'get to eat' fried chicken! lol

Make friends at the gym!

However, that being said I also think ronnie coleman is disgusting

**minime** · 23-Mar-07, 06:38 AM

oh and when ppl say to you 'thats disgusting' or whatever, just say

"oh really? well what I think is disgusting is people who eat crap and don't get off their a$$ to exercise and be good to their bodies"

or something to that effect

arbit · 23-Mar-07, 07:32 AM

Um say you like looking at half nakd guys ?
FLEX has some nice articles on nutrition.

Sophie · 23-Mar-07, 08:19 AM

Brat: To have balance in my social life, I'd have to have one first.

a_welch: It would be easy if anyone at the gym was serious about lifting.

minime: Though I might not eat as clean as humanly possible, I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, etc. That put me at odds with a LOT of people at my college already.

Then, there is the working out, which most people find boring.

Since I work out at the college gym, there really isn't anyone who works out for fun, they work out because they have to for a sport or they spend hours on the cardio machines and might get off to do some 5 lbs curls afterwards. Not very likely we'd share the interest in working out.

arbit: FLEX has some good artcles on a lot of things, most of which are of no interest to anyone at my college. I guess that's the problem with college, no one wants to work out because they like it, they workout for sports.

Khaine · 23-Mar-07, 09:22 AM

I have a feeling this won't be popular but...

If all your social interaction revolves around exercise/diet, then your social network will reflect that... Most people just don't care about these things, so you either a) don't hang out with most people or b) diversify your areas of interest...

Personally, I hardly ever talk about exercise with anybody... Movies, sports, music, sex, politics, whatever, but never my workout or diet... I live it, but I don't push it onto people who have no interest in it... If you choose to do that, then you'll have to accept the consequences of it, i.e. limiting the number of people that will interact with you...

Similarly, my motorsports buddies know better than to discuss that crap with me, so our relationship revolves around other common ground...

Blahh......

M&F and Flex kill grey matter...

**minime** · 23-Mar-07, 10:06 AM

oh, i never/rarely talk to people about exercise/diet.... except on the internet, and to my BF but he shares an interest in it so its ok.

I too don't believe in forcing my lifestyle on anybody, if somebody asks for advice i will give it cautiously : it is hard to advise "normal" people on diet and fitness.

I stick to music, movies, tv shows, places, clothes etc when talking to people for the most part.

**gymgirl** · 23-Mar-07, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khaine

I have a feeling this won't be popular but...

If all your social interaction revolves around exercise/diet, then your social network will reflect that... Most people just don't care about these things, so you either a) don't hang out with most people or b) diversify your areas of interest...

Personally, I hardly ever talk about exercise with anybody... Movies, sports, music, sex, politics, whatever, but never my workout or diet... I live it, but I don't push it onto people who have no interest in it... If you choose to do that, then you'll have to accept the consequences of it, i.e. limiting the number of people that will interact with you...

Similarly, my motorsports buddies know better than to discuss that crap with me, so our relationship revolves around other common ground...

Blahh......

M&F and Flex kill grey matter...

I hear what you are saying, but I have the same problem as many others on this thread. Most of my 'friends' like to go out partying late till like 1-3am drink a lot and go out to eat bad foods all the time. Personally I have no interest in doing that. My social interactions don't always involve talking about diet/exercise etc. but honestly I just don't have things in common with those who like to spend their time partying it up. I'd rather go to bed at 10pm and get up early, enjoy the day etc not sleep in until 1-2pm

I've made a few really great friends at the gym *mostly guys tough. but when we hang out outside of the gym we rarely talk about working out or diet. We've had beer together but typically people who are dedicated to exercise have a completely different outlook on life, and that is one reason we get along well. We value ourselves and good health/fitness fall into that. A lot of my friends who do not exercise seem depressed all the time and thus end up drinking.

Anyway, Sophie my advice would be to try to meet people who have similar interests as you. What else do you enjoy becides working out? I need to take my own advice here and take a cooking class or something to meet more people who I have things in common with. I went through a very similar thing as you in college sophie, and really only keep in contact with 1 person from college...

**.V.** · 23-Mar-07, 10:48 AM

Sophie, I do understand how tough it can be. When I was in college being a Christain kind of put me on the outside. My beliefs kept me from partying with the others, getting wasted every weekend, wild sex without consequences and sometimes even without names - yeah, high school may have been a lot more fun. But you know what? Doing what was right for me and not letting other people choose the things I did was certainly worth it. Now, I don't have a lot of the regrets and problems that they have.

I do get ya on the diet/nutrition thing too. My coworkers and most of my friends think I'm totally nuts in the way I eat. I simply tell them I don't want to look like them. I don't try to push it on them but if someone is interested and wants to give it a shot I'll take the time to help them figure out what will work for them, their body, their metabolism.

And it is easier if you are connecting with folks with similar interests. But if you are hooking up with those who don't have the same interest in the physical but other interests are the same you can still have a good time with them but will have to ignore the teasing that comes from being a little different. I personally choose to enjoy being different, seen as the oddball that eats strict, the weird one who won't miss a workout, the goofy guy who has a heavy bag hanging out on his front porch.

Sometimes I do have to miss things that I might enjoy because of a workout. Just yesterday my friend wanted me to go for a walk with her. I had just finished medium weight day and really didn't think my legs were up to it. So I found balance and just watched her walk. She actually wanted to talk so after she walked, we sat to talk and visit. Saturday I'm going out with another friend for the night. We are just going to hang out and visit some folks. He'll probably be drinking so I'll be driving.

Find your own balance and things will seem much better. It does get easier as you get older. It is tough when one is young and wants to fit in. But don't let others laziness, lack of motivation, or not understanding effect you and the things you love to do.

Hang in there girl, it does get better.

Sophie · 23-Mar-07, 11:56 AM

Khaine: I don't really have ANY social interaction. I talk to other students and professors, but mainly about scholastic things such as astronomy and psychology. I usually don't talk about my workouts/diet because no one really cares and thinks I'm nuts.

minime: I don't try to force what I do on anyone either. When people ask for help, I give it, but they seem to hate me for knowing how to help them. :confused:I don't know.

gymgirl: Totally agree. I dont' really consider a lot of people at college a friend becaue of the reasons you stated: partying/drinking. That's not for me and I don't want to be a part of it.

a_welch: If I was Christian or Jewish I would fit in better at my college, but I'm Wiccan and not really advertising it. A couple people know, but I don't have a "group" with the same beliefs though I'm sure there are other Pagans out there, just, like me, not advertising.

Besides working out, my interests are academic in nature. I don't see why my therapist thinks this is a problem. She thinks I need to make friends with people that have more in common with me than having similar intellectual pursuits, but, I don't see how I'm supposed to do that. I work out, eat, sleep, and read, either or college or for fun. Even when I read for fun it's books on psychology or scientific magazines such as Scientific American Mind, Discover, or Popular Science.

I don't really watch movies or listen to music that has come out lately. Every now and then I'll go watch a movie. The latest movie I have seen in "V for Vendetta" which I loved. I don't watch the "normal" TV shows that everyone seems to watch, and that is if I watch TV. The only show I really like is "The 4400" (which it seems no one has heard of) and "Charmed" (which is about Wicca).

**.V.** · 23-Mar-07, 12:26 PM

Actually, being wiccan and feeling on the outside I can relate to that. I'm not wiccan but do know some. It's all the same, if you have a belief system that is different, it's often not accepted by others and to not feel weird you don't advertise it.

Still, you are in college and seem to have your focus in the right place. Keep that and do try to make friends with similar interests. I know there are some out there and you just haven't ran across them yet. It will happen. Don't stress over it. Concentrate on what's important. If you do end up meeting people just be friendly and see what happens. You may be suprised when new friends suddenly pop into your life and catch you by suprise. It happens when not looking. Lots of good things happen when we aren't looking for them.

I would suggest though that you don't keep things that are important to you a secret. Be who you are and don't hide it. Some may think it's odd, others will think "this chick is really cool and honest I want to spend more time with her."

**tigz** · 23-Mar-07, 02:09 PM

I am experiencing the identical situation with friends, all they want to do is drink smoke and be lazy

Ive never met anyone in person (friend wise) that has the dedication and motivation I have for fitness and body building, only met them on this forum through the threads.....

Well Sophie, there are many others out there in the same situation as you so dont fret.

Khaine · 23-Mar-07, 03:13 PM

Drinking does not make you a bad person... Lifting weights does not make you a good person...

I'm sensing some antagonism towards casual drinkers (and really, anybody with a vice) from this thread and I completely resent that... Nothing is as humbling as lifting weights, so I'm surprised to see this superiority complex rear its head here...

Don't mean to hijack your thread here Sophie...