Down and out

[Nikki]

I'm just so tired. High school came and went. I was an athlete. I did 6 sports in high school and never made a varsity team. I was on the football team. 5'11 155lbs and I was ripped from summer training. We worked out 4 days a week 2 times a day for power. None of that lightweight high rep crap, or even heavy weight low rep, it was all heavy weight, high rep as fast as you possibly could and as long as you could stand. And then sprints. I barely kept up even well into the season, but I started getting good toward the end. I got stronger, I got faster, I got leaner. I shaved my head for hell week just like everyone else did and I didn't care that I was a girl with a shaved head. Everyone thought I looked like a marine fresh outta Full Metal Jacket. LoL. I'd love to be a marine. I was throwing up 180lbs for reps on bench at my best, and that's not that much I would've liked to have gotten up into the 200 range to make the varsity team, but it didn't happen. Depressed, I stopped even working out on my own for a while, and for a few months all I did was jiu jitsu at a club. Now I'm about 167 and skrawnier than a kenyan distance runner, and my self-esteem is at an all time low. Its kinda funny saying that I'm fat and skinny at the same time, but I am. The biggest humiliation for an athlete is graduating without a varsity letter, and I don't know how to stomach that shame. I've tried to shrug it off and just keep working out, but its not the same. I'll make up my mind to just start going to the gym again and I'll go for a day and then my life will get hecktic and I won't go back for another month. I can still bench 45's alright, and people still think its cool, but all I can see when I look in the mirror is negative results. I'm just so depressed that I'm beat. I'm tired. All I want to do is train but at the same time all I want to do is sleep. Its just so much easier to sleep. I hate that guys can sleep and still grow strong but girls have to keep on their toes or else they lose everything. Besides, I don't really know how to "properly" work out anyway. Whenever I go to the gym, I just stay around the bench because its really the only thing I'm good at. I don't really know anything about workout routines and bodybuilding. I don't even know why I'm here. Sorry about the rant, I'm just so beat.

[.V.]

Sounds like you are having a bad day. Stick around, check out the posts, the workout suggestions, the nutrition suggestions. Ask for help making yourself a good workout plan. There is plenty of good information here and lots of helpful people who are very encouraging too.

[midgetcop]

Welcome to df. If you're looking for any routine advice or help, you've come to the right place.

It sounds like you need a goal to work towards...something to provide that drive and motivation. Even if you're not playing sports at school anymore, how about continuing to get in kickass shape for the sake of it? Or are there any sports you can continue to be involved in? It sounds like you were in fantastic shape (you probably still are), maybe you can consider it a comeback - way to conquer and counter any lingering feelings of regret from high school?

I was in a rut recently, 6+ months of ignoring the gym with any excuse possible. It really took some mental gymnastics to get myself back in the headspace that I needed to be in to get back in gear. In other words, I don't think that what you're experiencing is all that uncommon, or anything to be ashamed of.

[DanH84]

might just be spouting off here but maybe you should think of it like this;

When you lost a game did you sit around and mope and let things slide? I bet you didn't I bet you went all out balls to the wall to make sure you won your next game. Thats what seperates the greats from the good.

You've lost a game sure and a period of reflection is no problem but now it's your turn to show that you're a true athlete and that you have the dedication to make damn sure you don't lose your next game and to make sure that you go through life winning far more games than you lose. You didn't get picked, well now it's up to you to show them what a mistake they made by getting better and better and showing real drive and comittment to improving yourself.

* I'm english and thus have no idea about american sports terminology/season structure etc so i might have put some stuff wrong in there.

[skyman]

Originally Posted by Nikki

The biggest humiliation for an athlete is graduating without a varsity letter, and I don't know how to stomach that shame.

Once high school is over, it's over. Leave it in the past. You'll find new friends and new interests and eventually forget all about it. Life is so much different after high school.

[Jolene]

Man, you are hard on yourself. So you never made varisty...you were on 6 teams!!! I think of all the people (including myself) who never had the energy or committment or self-belief to even try out for anything. Here you were on 6 teams, including ones that usually exclude females. That is awesome!! There is no shame in that to stomach. The only thing that you should be depressed about is losing your enthusiasm. Be proud that you accomplished more than 90% of people out there do because they are just too lazy (again, including myself) .

[midgetcop]

Yeah. I was too fat and out of shape to even come *close* to ever getting picked for a sports team in high school. I spent too much time smoking pot and drinking beer.

How's that for regret?