Encouraging a friend

**LiftGirl** · 01-Apr-08, 02:36 PM

I have a friend (female) who wants to join a gym for a couple months to "buff up" as she puts it for being a bridesmaid.

Is there any way I can gently encourage her to make this a lifetime fitness journey, instead of just a short term thing? She already looks great (without working out), but I believe everybody should be involved in fitness, even if they are at a perfectly healthy weight.

I try to live by example and hope to encourage my non-active friends by example.

What do you guys do other than living by example to provide gentle encouragement to friends? Especially ones showing a (probably) transient interest.

westside24 · 01-Apr-08, 04:13 PM

I choke people into submission til they cave and have no choice but to workout with me... April fools! ha!

no no, I would actually not listen to her crap about "I just wanna do it a couple months" You just focus on getting her in there for those couple of months, and get her buffed up for her wedding... when its all said and done, then I would try convincing her.... If you badger her now (not saying you would badger her, but thats how she'll see it) she will set it permanently in her head, that she is absolutely done after her wedding, or she might even bail way before her wedding....

Just my advice. Im very good at gettin what I want from my girlfriend. This is how I would do it, in this situation.... <--- that is in no way meant to be perverted either. Im just meaning things like attention for one another, or what are we doing today or for our future together type stuff.

If when trying to convince her, it might be as simple as, hey you should kep going, you know you enjoy it now. and she might respond with yea, I will.

Or maybe youll have to make a comprmoise, which is silly caz you arent dating, but maybe she wants you to do something in return..

I got my friend to sign up at his gym by him, in exchange he wanted me to go to church on a close to regular basis... thats why he is my best friend!

11-Apr-08, 06:46 AM

These young women who want to hit the gym for a short-term fix and get ready so they can fit into their wedding dress really amaze me. Ditto for the guys who want to get ready to take off their shirt without embarrasement when they hit the beach in the summertime.

I think the best think you can do is to encourage her and constantly ask her about how her training is going. Who is to say that the short-term benefits she experiences may not be the motivation to keep her at it beyond the wedding event.

"Giving service" is part of living a fitness lifestyle at the higher end so I commend you for your desire to help your friend.

ajarvis · 12-Apr-08, 11:30 AM

Try to make it a part of your conversation a lot and make it a regular normal part of routine etc. Hopefully once she starts she'll enjoy it and keep going!

**LiftGirl** · 16-Apr-08, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pierini

o is to encourage her and constantly ask her about how her training is going. Who is to say that the short-term benefits she experiences may not be the motivation to keep her at it beyond the wedding event.

This is my sincere hope, Mr. P. Of course I'd like to nudge her, gently, in that direction.

mangotango · 16-Apr-08, 03:37 PM

I would schedule fun fitness dates with her to make it a social and fun thing, that way she may want to keep it up. Also, she may really want to keep it up once she sees how rewarding it is to see your hard work payoff and gets those endorphins going.

**minime** · 17-Apr-08, 01:20 PM

yeah, could be that after a few months of it she will realise how fun it is and how great it makes her feel!

**LiftGirl** · 18-Apr-08, 04:59 PM

Amen, let's hope so. She's graduating vet school and moving soon, so my influence will be limited. But I'll try!

Merrida · 19-Apr-08, 05:07 PM

The truth? You can't. Also it's not your place to, even as her friend. You cannot convince her to do something she does not want to do. The best you can hope to do is inspire her (2 very different motivations coming from 2 very different places).

MANY brides are like this. Since we do Buff Brides I see it all the time (and mostly feel terrible for the husbands). They bust their butt to look good for the wedding and, their words,...then it doesn't matter. Hearing that makes my gut clench.

Anyway, point is,....answer is,.....nothing.

If you've known her for a long time, she knows already fitness is part of your life.

The only hope you have is, as Mr. P pointed out, is that if you participate WITH her so she has a familiar friend,....and if, only IF you make it fun, and not hard work (I know, the rest of us groan when we read this),...let her see and feel it can be fun,...and maybe when she sees changes in her body, she'll want to continue.

Few women keep working out to "feel better,"....or "be fit."

Otherwise, get her through these 12 weeks (which interestingly is identical to our Buff Brides program),...and let it go.

.

westside24 · 20-Apr-08, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merrida

MANY brides are like this. Since we do Buff Brides I see it all the time (and mostly feel terrible for the husbands). They bust their butt to look good for the wedding and, their words,...then it doesn't matter. Hearing that makes my gut clench.
.

Not just brides... Many people, men and women alike are like this.... they look at the beginning of their relationship, or at their wedding, and let themselves go... As a lover, its your duty to look good for your significant other. you want to keep an physical, mental, and verbal attraction to each other.

When I say its our duties to look good for your other, that doesnt necessarily mean you have to be top notch gym goer/ bodybuilder, and be perfectly chiseled.... Im just saying, dont always dress like a bum just because the two of you are sitting around the house for the day, both parties she try to look attractive.

But having said all of that, why not get in shape, and be super fit... its obviously the best way to keep your others attraction.

westside24 · 20-Apr-08, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiftGirl

Amen, let's hope so. She's graduating vet school and moving soon, so my influence will be limited. But I'll try!

moving like how far away? other side of town, or other side of country?

How is that journey comming along for her anyways? how well have you done so far, in creating a new fitness buff for life?

Merrida · 20-Apr-08, 12:14 PM

Lord knows I agree with a bunch of what you said. But one thing I don't. The majority of me believes we have the power within ourselves to fight obesity, not turn into alcoholics, keep our body fit and conditioned, etc.

But if you study anthropology, physiology, anatomy, there are things that are inevitable that OTHER people mistake for "letting themselves go." Among those are: Ever notice older people look thicker and shorter than when they were younger? We lose bone height in the disks, some of us get multiple fractures. Depending on injuries and a potential ability not to lift as heavy (and the older we get the harder we MUST work, that is not up for discussion),...we look like shorter blockier versions of ourselves. Our skin falls and folds, our bodies change with gravity,...there are a lot of natural aging, gravity related things we cannot control. Many (not all) women who give childbirth, can be on endless search for that before body. Some get it (a la Demi Moore), but that's in the minority. Sure, hell yeah it can happen.

But for women, more than men, there needs to be a reality check on how much our appearance changing comes from nature, and how much of it comes from giving up.

That's all, said my peace.

Considering I'm out there cheering on the uhm,....over 30 crowd about this,...those who think it's always going to be a joy has a good 20 years left in life to get their first reality check.

Always try, because you can always improve. But be fair if your partner develops health issues and can't keep her svelte figure, gives birth to 4 kids and doesn't have that 22" waistline anymore or 35" hips,...

Sorry dude, but sometimes these arguments just piss me off becuase it draws the line between my job to educate people of all ages not to give up on their body and not use it as a cop out. Simultaneously it irks me when people don't respect the natural way the human body returns to the form in which it came. There's a time in there, different for everyone, that needs to be respected.

.

getfit21 · 20-Apr-08, 04:37 PM

i think once she starts workin out to loose the weight for the wedding she will enjoy it and love the results and it should make her want to continue the journey to be fit and take care of herself.....

Merrida · 20-Apr-08, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by getfit21

i think once she starts workin out to loose the weight for the wedding she will enjoy it and love the results and it should make her want to continue the journey to be fit and take care of herself.....

I'm going to be the fly in the ointment here I just know it. But it comes from way too many years of being in this field.

Oh sure, hell yeah, I do see it happen, women change and get off on it and go fill tilt and turn their lives around. It happened to me. Fat little wabble ball who had to get fit for the Marines. Screw anything else, but I had a goal.

Little did I realize, never mind the weight coming off and the pre-PRE history that SOME of you here know about re: my health,....(so let's skip ahead, skip ahead, skip ahead,....a la Richard Jeni, RIP, a la Father Joe Pesci <-- you'd have to be a fan to get that one).

But, skipping ahead,.....let's say, (just for arguments sake and I love to argue)....of those women that the trainers in our club have helped do Buff Brides who "said they were interested in losing weight," said they were "interested in getting more fit," and of course the infamous word (wait for it),...."more toned but not bulked up," (shoot me, please!).....out of OUR one club (we have 126 clubs in BOSTON alone, okie dokie),...and we keep records that would make the King of the Anal IRS be proud,.....over 85% go back to their old ways and of the 5% or so remaining, they do,.....(wait for it, wait for it),.....the treadmill. They walk. Maybe jog a little, okay. Uhm,....then there's the yoga class or Pilates class.

Everything we took them through (where WE the trainers are monitored daily so closely the King of the Anal IRS would be proud),...all we taught them, goes down the drain.

The other 10% quit their membership.

Could be our club, our trainers, or the women our club our area tends to attract.

I can COUNT the women who lift iron....most of those who do, are we trainers. Oh sigh, oh sigh, deep sigh.

.-.

westside24 · 20-Apr-08, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merrida

Sorry dude, but sometimes these arguments just piss me off .

HAHA no no! thats why I said I didnt mean just in the sense of working out! I mean like... ok like I see relationships, where its a weekend, the two are bored, the girl is all depressed looking, never dresses nice any more, never wears make up, never makes the attempt to make a move on her lover, who shes supposed to adore!
Or the guy, just sittin in his sweat pants and wife beater, hasnt shaved in forever. just watchin tv ignorin her ass. not hating each other but just ignoring each other...
I was just saying its our duties to keep our lovers occupied, by our emotions, our conversations, and our physical attraction/appearance.. and I said with our appearance aspect, you dont have to be in shape or be fit, im just saying to try n look good... theres alot of people out there, who dont try, they give up, and they get bored in there relationships, and end up finding themselves attracted to other people..... but I was also saying with the appearance aspect, If you are like me, you know its your duty to turn your lover on physically, why not? why not get fit, it helps encourage you to get fit....

I go to the gym and try to get big n buff, for my girl! not because she wants it, I was a skinny lil dweeb when we met... I do so because I know, what girl wouldnt wanna be with a mature muscular man! but even if I was a skinny lil twerp still, I would still look nice for her all the time.

I dunno, Ive read 2 different kama's (because of there relationship advice)
and a few other relationship books... just what ive gathered.