How do you say . .

AnnaD - TX · 26-Apr-04, 05:36 PM

Ok, I have one friend that is having trouble w/ her weight. I have known her for about 2 1/2 years. When I first met her she was fat, (not to be rude, but then she lost weight. I am guessing about 15-20 lbs she lost. Her weight flucuates, I know she yo-yo diets. We are always talking about fitness etc. etc And she pretty much asks me for advice and I tell her what I know. But I know the results she wants will not be acheived by what she is doing now. How do I tell her nicely that YOU NEED TO DO WEIGHTS AND CARDIO, lots of it! Should I just be upfront w/ her or continue to be nice about giving her advice??

Rainheart · 26-Apr-04, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnaD - TX

Ok, I have one friend that is having trouble w/ her weight. I have known her for about 2 1/2 years. When I first met her she was fat, (not to be rude, but then she lost weight. I am guessing about 15-20 lbs she lost. Her weight flucuates, I know she yo-yo diets. We are always talking about fitness etc. etc And she pretty much asks me for advice and I tell her what I know. But I know the results she wants will not be acheived by what she is doing now. How do I tell her nicely that YOU NEED TO DO WEIGHTS AND CARDIO, lots of it! Should I just be upfront w/ her or continue to be nice about giving her advice??

I don't know what advice you have given your friend so far regarding fitness goals, it is nice that you can give advice like that however I suppose it can be frustrating when it's not followed. I don't know if you had that expectation or not of your friend though but I am wondering if you are indeed frustrated with her. I think it's nice also that you have been nice and don't see any reason for you not to continue being nice in the future. I'm not sure what you mean by being up front versus being nice means, do you mean confrontational? If you have pointed out doing weights and cardio will give her the best results and she rejects that then you are better off to accept that she maybe isn't ready to do that yet. All the best to you

Cinmin · 27-Apr-04, 08:18 AM

I know what you mean. There is a lady here at work that constantly asks me what she needs to do to get herself into shape. I try to help as much as I can but then I turn around and she eats a huge slice of chocolate cake with french fries. We used to go to the gym together and I tried to get her onto a weight/cardio program but she had an aversion to heavy weights (anything heavier than 5 pounds) or walking faster than 3.0 mph. The only thing I can say is to keep making suggestions and hope she follows them. It's a great thing you are doing and I admire you for your patience.

**Lady C** · 27-Apr-04, 08:37 AM

I have been through the same stuff before. I look at it this way, it is like them being an alcolohic, you can't help them until they have admitted they have a problem and WANT to change. Everyone at work knows that I turn down cake, cookies and candy. In fact the last working meeting we had, my boss had them bring in fresh fruit and bagels instead of donuts. You can continue to be nice but your results will scream loudly to them "you know how to do it!"

AnnaD - TX · 27-Apr-04, 09:34 AM

I am not frustrated at her or mad at her. I don't know really?

First of all she thinks that eating hardly nothing is good for her. She eat 900 calories a day! Works out some. She is one of those woman that think weights will make her BIG. Maybe I believe in her more than she believes in herself. I mean, I think you can do anything if you put your mind to it!

**jgriffith** · 27-Apr-04, 09:40 AM

My friend is the exact same way. He's dedicated when he wants to be, at one point he lost a total of 80 pounds and looked really good, but he is kind of convinced that eating nothing is a good way to go about it. Everyone starting out gets calorie paranoid at one point or another, because of the fact they never knew how many calories they were consuming to begin with. Maybe you can find a fitness model or something online that has posted a sample diet to show her that you can look like that by eating GOOD food at higher caloric values. She just needs to get passed her beliefs in myths that are always floating around this subject.

Octagon · 27-Apr-04, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnaD - TX

Should I just be upfront w/ her or continue to be nice about giving her advice??

The two are not mutually exclusive.

You can be blunt without being rude and firm without being confrontational or unyielding. There's nothing wrong or 'not nice' about saying 'look, you've asked the same question ten times now...what makes you think my answer is going to be any different the eleventh time' provided you don't sigh or roll your eyes while doing it.

Octagon · 27-Apr-04, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cinmin

There is a lady here at work that constantly asks me what she needs to do to get herself into shape.

Is there anything weirder or more unsettling than waking up one day and realizing you're now on the *receiving* end of questions like that?

rrouleau · 27-Apr-04, 03:46 PM

If they are not going to listen, then the best thing for you to do is just keep on doing your thing and keep on improving and then hopefully they will realize that what you have said is working, so maybe they will eventually try it out. DOnt stop giving them advice, you might not know everything but the stuff that you know works, teach it to everyone that wants to know and asks.

I had 2 workout partners last summer, one of them was really built so i was learning from him. The other partner would listen but wouldnt follow. So the big guy and i kept on progressing and the other guy just stayed the same. So he got frustrated and quit. It wasnt our fault that he quit it is just that he didnt want it bad enough to actrually listen and try some of the stuff that we were teaching him.

AnnaD - TX · 27-Apr-04, 04:04 PM

Gosh, thanks guys!! I am just going to do my "thang" I mean, I am living PROOF that you can lose weight and look great, <--- being conceited. I use to be 140lbs and have no shape, not anymore!!

Lee J B · 27-Apr-04, 04:18 PM

Being nice never got anyone anywhere.

AnnaD - TX · 27-Apr-04, 04:26 PM

Umm ok, then I will be a mean ass Biatch!!!

sillyme · 28-Apr-04, 04:23 PM

Quote:

I use to be 140lbs and have no shape

Hey!! I resemble that comment

j/k LOL . Hopefully I can add the "not anymore" part to that sentence in the next few months

mosesface · 28-Apr-04, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Octagon

Is there anything weirder or more unsettling than waking up one day and realizing you're now on the *receiving* end of questions like that?

i got that feeling the other day when three women at church came up to me individually to tell me they had joined a gym and started working out since watching me get in shape over the nine months. it was so BIZARRE to be the one inspiring people to take care of their bodies!! bizarre but wonderful!

what an honor to have people asking advice like this! i agree...be encouraged that you have made such change to your life that it's changing others...even if just a tiny bit at a time.

**midgetcop** · 29-Apr-04, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Octagon

Is there anything weirder or more unsettling than waking up one day and realizing you're now on the *receiving* end of questions like that?

Yeah! My sister used to be the gym bunny back in the day, but she was taught that whole 'tone-thing-do-20-reps-spot-reduce' b.s. Now that *I'm* the gym bunny, I give her the *real* scoop on how to weight train.

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