Very short essay

[Ekmo]

Im currently homeschooled, and was instructed to write a very short essay on any topic I want. I chose the effects video games have on todays society. Just looking for some opinions on what you guys think of it.



I'm going to start this off with a simple question, do you play video games? If not, I can almost guarantee you have family members, or friends who play. The point I'm getting at is the fact that so many people enjoy video games, there has to be some positive and negative effects. In this essay I will discuss my personal experiences with video games, and also public incidents. I'm going to start you off with some negative things that have happened, that are alleged to be from video game influences.

Anyone who was born before April 20, 1999 Has heard of the Columbine Shooting. If not then I'll fill you in on some details. The incident took place in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Two high schoolers named Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris opened fire on students of their high school. Twelve students and one teacher was killed, and 24 others wounded. Authorities tried to pin some of the blame on a video gamed called "Doom". Eric Harris was a huge fan of this game, and somewhat idolized it. Since this incident, In my opinion video games have become much more addictive.

Nowadays there are online worlds created for video games. A very popular game called "World Of Warcraft" is one of the more dominating games. As of right now there are 8 million, or more people who play this game. I personally find it amazing there is enough people who play this game to populate a large city. There has been numerous reports of people losing there jobs, losing friends, and even rumors of suicide from not doing well in the game. I definitely feel something should be done to help these people become more active with reality. Luckily there has recently been an organization called 'Online Gamers Anonymous" created.

This organization offers a twelve step self-help plan, to help you fight your addiction. Many people would probably find it funny, that someone would need help fighting an addiction to a "game". But to the people who need help, it is not a game to them, it is their life. So if something negative happens in the game, then chances are there will also be negative changes in their real world. One instance, along with the Columbine shooting that helped this organization get started was the death of a 21 year old named Shawn Woolley. His mother found him dead from a gunshot wound next to his computer. She believes this suicide was caused from his addiction to a game called "Everquest". This game is an ongoing game that never ends. The mother says when he began to play the game he lost his job, and his apartment due to the countless hours he spent playing. Her anger about the incident, helped push towards Online gamers anonymous. As horrible as these story's are, I'm gonna give video games a fair chance, and share some positive story's.

After reading those story's, you've most likely got a bad image of what video games are, but I'm gonna try and even things out with these next story's. Ive played video games for years now, and I think if you control how often you play, there are plenty of positive experiences. One great thing is the fact that a lot of online gamers actually have very close and personal friends they've met through the online world. Also it may not be the best socializing experience in the world, but it is much better then kids being out on the street. A lot of your experience also depends on the rating of the game. That's why video games have an esrb rating, which stands for Entertainment Software Rating Board. These ratings go from early child hood, all the way to adults only. So basically if your kid is 4 years old they don't need to be playing games for adults only. I feel like if the parents would follow this correctly, then there would be no problems.

So in conclusion with this essay, I feel that if treated properly, video games should not create any problems in any ones life. If someone is affected as much as the story's above, then maybe there's something deeper involved in the story. Just because these people happened to love video games, doesn't necessarily mean that's why they had the problems they had. The problem isnt the games, the problem is the amount of time spent playing them.

[minime]

Hi Ekmo : the essay is good but there are a number of places where things could be rephrased, and some grammatical errors. I am not sure if you wanted actual input on the essay or whether you just wanted opinions.

how old are you/at what stage in your education are you? And for what class is the essay?

the essay has some great information and is well structured, but there are some areas that could be improved.

It is in no way my intention to insult your work by the way, and I apologise if I did.

[Ekmo]

Im only 17, and yea I'd like all the help anyone has to offer.

[minime]

Originally Posted by Ekmo

Im currently homeschooled, and was instructed to write a very short essay on any topic I want. I chose the effects video games have on todays society. Just looking for some opinions on what you guys think of it.



I'm going to start this off with a simple question, do you play video games? If not, I can almost guarantee you have family members, or friends who play. The point I'm getting at is the fact that so many people enjoy video games, therefore there has to be some positive and negative effects. In this essay I will discuss my personal experiences with video games, and also a selection of public incidents (actually i would switch these around: since you begin the essay talking about public incidents). I'm going to start you off with some examples of negative things that have happened,
which are alleged to have occured as a result of video game influences.

If you were born before April 20, 1999 chances are you have heard of the Columbine Shooting. If not then I'll fill you in on some details. The incident took place in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Two high schoolers named Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris opened fire on students of their high school. The event resulted in the deaths of twelve students and one teacher, and left 24 others wounded. Authorities tried to pin some of the blame on a video gamed called "Doom". Eric Harris was a huge fan of this game, and somewhat idolized it. Since this incident, In my opinion video games have become much more addictive.

Nowadays there are online worlds created for video games. A very popular game called "World Of Warcraft" is one of the more dominating games. As of right now there upwards of 8 million people who play this game. I personally find it amazing there is enough people who play this game to populate a large city. There have been numerous reports of people losing their jobs, losing friends, and there are even rumors that suicide has occurred as a result of not doing well in the game. I definitely feel something should be done to help these people become more active with reality. Luckily there has recently been an organization called 'Online Gamers Anonymous" created.

This organization offers a twelve step self-help plan, designed to help you fight your addiction. Many people would probably find it funny, that someone would need help fighting an addiction to a "game". But to the people who need help it is not a game, it is their life. If something negative happens in the game, then in many instances this will negatively impact their life outside that of the game. One instance, along with the Columbine shooting that helped this organization get started was the death of a 21 year old named Shawn Woolley. His mother found him dead from a gunshot wound next to his computer. She believes this suicide was caused from his addiction to a game called "Everquest". This game is an ongoing game that never ends. The mother says when he began to play the game he lost his job, and his apartment due to the countless hours he spent playing. Her anger about the incident, helped push towards Online gamers anonymous. As horrible as these story's are, I'm going to give video games a fair chance, and share some positive stories.

After reading the negative stories, you've most likely got a bad image of what video games are, but I'm now going to attempt to shed some positive light on the subject. I will use my own, more positive, experiences to demonstrate that playing video games is not always a negative pastime. Ive played video games for years now, and I think if you control how often you play, there are plenty of positive experiences. One great thing is the fact that a lot of online gamers actually have very close and personal friends they've met through the online world. Also it may not be the best socializing experience in the world, but it is much better then kids being out on the street. A lot of your experience also depends on the rating of the game. That's why video games have an esrb rating, which stands for Entertainment Software Rating Board. These ratings go from early child hood, all the way to adults only. So basically if your kid is 4 years old they don't need to be playing games for adults only. I feel like if the parents would follow this correctly, then there would be no problems.

I would like to conclude my essay by saying that I feel, if treated properly, video games should not create any problems in any ones life. If someone is affected in a manner that is similar to the individuals I discussed earlier, then maybe there's something deeper involved in the story. Just because these people happened to love video games, doesn't necessarily mean that's why they had the problems they had. The problem isnt the existence of video games, the problem lies in the amount of time and energy an individual is willing to put into the gaming process, and how it affects their life outside of the game. Is it them playing the game, or is the game playing them? That is the question.

hi ekmo i have had a quick go-through on the essay and made some notes. These are just examples of small changes that you could make to your writing style.

I hope it helps

[Ekmo]

Wow, thx for the help. Im not really to experienced with writing papers, so hopefully this will be the start of something I can get halfway descent at lol.

[Lady C]

Ekmo see my editing below. I hope it is clear what I am trying to say.

Originally Posted by Ekmo

I'm going to start this off with a simple question, do you play video games? If not, I can almost guarantee you have family members, or friends who play. The point I'm getting at[making] is the fact that so many people enjoy video games, there has to be some positive and negative effects. In this essay I will discuss my personal experiences with video games, and also [delete]public incidents. I'm going to start you off with [I'll start off with] some negative things[events] that have happened, that are alleged[ly] to be from video game influences.

Anyone who was born before April 20, 1999 Has [has probably] heard of the Columbine Shooting. If not[,] then I'll fill you in on some details. The incident took place in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Two high schoolers named Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris opened fire on students of their high school. Twelve students and one teacher was[were] killed, and 24 others wounded. Authorities tried to pin some of the blame on a video gamed called "Doom". Eric Harris was a huge fan of this game, and somewhat idolized it. Since this incident, In [in]my opinion[,] video games have become much more addictive.

Nowadays there are online worlds created for video games. A very popular game called "World Of Warcraft" is one of the more dominating [dominant] games. As of right now[,] there are 8 million, or more[,] people who play this game. I personally find it amazing there is[are] enough people who play this game to populate a large city. There has been numerous reports of people losing there[their] jobs, losing friends, and even rumors of suicide from not doing well in the game. I definitely feel something should be done to help these people become more active with reality. Luckily[,] there has recently been an organization called 'Online Gamers Anonymous" [(OGA)]created[formed].

This organization[, OGA] offers a twelve step[,] self-help plan, to help you fight your [video gaming] addiction. Many people would probably find it funny, that someone would need help fighting an addiction to a "game". But to the people who need help, it is not a game to them, it is their life. So if something negative happens in the game, then chances are there will also be negative changes in their real world. [Another example]One instance, along with the Columbine shooting that helped this organization [OGA]get started was the death of a 21 year old named Shawn Woolley. His mother found him dead from a gunshot wound next to his computer. She believes this suicide was caused from his addiction to a game called "Everquest". This game is an ongoing game that never ends. The mother says when he began to play the game he lost his job, and his apartment due to the countless hours he spent playing. Her anger about the incident, helped push towards Online [G]gamers [A]anonymous. As horrible as these story's[stories] are, I'm gonna give [one should give]video games a fair chance[.], [Now some positive examples]and share some positive story's.

After reading those story's[stories], you've most likely got[created] a bad image of what video games are[.], but I'm gonna try and even things out with these next story's. [I've]Ive played video games for years now, and I think if you control how often you play, there are plenty of positive experiences. One great thing is the fact that a lot of online gamers actually have very close and personal friends they've met through the online world. Also it may not be the best socializing experience in the world, but it is much better then kids being out on the street. A lot of your experience also depends on the rating of the game. That's why video games have an esrb rating, which stands for Entertainment Software Rating Board.[(ESRB)][always put the whole phrase before the acronym which is always capitalized] These ratings go from early child hood[childhood], all the way to adults only[rating]. So basically [delete]if your kid is 4 years old they don't need to[should not] be playing games [rated]for adults only[delete]. I feel like if the[that if] parents would follow this[the ratings] correctly, then there would be no[fewer] problems.

So in conclusion with this essay, I feel that if treated properly, video games should not create any[adverse] problems in any ones life. If someone is affected as much as the story's[stories] above, then maybe there's something deeper involved in the story. Just because these people happened to love video games, doesn't necessarily mean that's why they had the problems they had. The problem isnt the games, the problem is the amount of time spent playing them.[consider adding "and separating reality from fiction"]

[CF-OC_gal]

Ekmo, I hope you read the edits then erase the work others heve done for you then try to correct your own work. A pet peeve of mine is having others do your hard boring work for you. The trick with writing is to get the written draft done well ahead of the deadline then go back to it with "fresh eyes". That way the edits and the composition remain truly your own.

I saw way too many examples of Internet plagerism in grad school not to let this go by without comment.

.Editing and writing is like working out. You've got to do the repetitions

[Ekmo]

Yea I understand Brat. Im just kinda soaking up everything thats being said, and when I feel confident enough, I'll attempt to correct it with my own words. I just find it so much easier for others to find error in your work, then when they point out the problem zones your like "Hey now I notice that!" lol.

[CF-OC_gal]

Originally Posted by Ekmo

Yea I understand Brat. Im just kinda soaking up everything thats being said, and when I feel confident enough, I'll attempt to correct it with my own words. I just find it so much easier for others to find error in your work, then when they point out the problem zones your like "Hey now I notice that!" lol.

Confidence comes by being brave enough to make mistakes and not being afraid to try again. Waiting for confidence to come to you is futile.

Asking for and giving a critique is different from having someone do the work for you. I have the most respect for those teachers in life who made it "hard" for me so that I had to work for what I wanted.

I'll quit lecturing now.

[Ekmo]

I see where ur comin from, thx for sharing ur wisdom