What are we so afraid of?

Merrida · 08-Dec-07, 10:41 PM

Have you ever noticed that when you're walking down the street (and it seems to be more prevalent in the city than in rural settings), and someone is walking on the same sidewalk in the opposite direction, that we do everything we can to NOT look at each other,....from looking at our feet, pretending we heard something, adjust our coats, the stand by of having our cell phone surgically implanted to our ear so we never have to fear being disconnected from.....all those people who are not really around us, so we can pay attention to someone online instead of exchanging pleasantries with the human beings in our immediate vicinity,.....

Just like when we're in an elevator. We'll hug the opposite walls, whistle, look at the ceiling (yeah, that holds a lot of interesting attention-grabbing details),....look like we're deep in contemplation (like thinking what floor we're going to get off on), or maybe even tie our shoe laces (although they're tied just fine).

We go out of our way to avoid eye contact, and we certainly go out of our way just to say "hello" (lest we be viewed as bizarre and risk being viewed as someone who's up to something!). I don't give up, I'll keep trying to at least be pleasant (either .a. because I genuinely want to, or .b. because I want to mess with their mind by being that outgoing person they're stuck with between floors on the elevator.

Does that make me ever so slightly sadistic,...or just outgoing and the friendly type?

.

**MAURER** · 08-Dec-07, 11:40 PM

even though i think this statement has some truth to it i see it as more of a recognicance of the difference between you and other people

for example i most often try to initiate eye contact not avoid it

EliteLift · 09-Dec-07, 02:09 PM

I have to many other problims in my life for the added stress of tring to avoid people out of fear. generally people I see on the side walk do not go out of there way to avoid me (that I see anyways) and I regularly say hello to people I don't know just for the amusment of conversation, people also so hi to me even though they do not know me. people might be supprised at how cool lots of people are if they were not so parinoid about starting conversation.

I see what you talking about in lots of movies though, specially movies based in big citys like NY, but I rarly see people acting like that around my town.

Merrida · 09-Dec-07, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAURER

even though i think this statement has some truth to it i see it as more of a recognicance of the difference between you and other people

for example i most often try to initiate eye contact not avoid it

I never said "I" avoid eye contact. In fact, I'm quite likely to make eye contact, and as I mentioned in my previous post, actually start conversations even if I notice the other person feeling awkward (it's fun).

Do I really need to rephrase this to ask the question:

Okay, just for those who think so:

Why is it that so many people, when crossing each other on the same side of the street or being in the confines of an elevator, go to such an obvious extent to avoid eye contact or conversation with others?

.

**.V.** · 09-Dec-07, 03:07 PM

Not a clue. I've noticed this a lot when I visit Atlanta, the closest major city to here. But closer to home, I regularly engage in conversations with people I've never met and will likely never meet again. They do seem a little afraid of me at first since I've been known to go for years at a time without smiling and dress in a manner (when not working) that seems a bit frightening to many people. I always make eye contact with everyone. Where the hell else am I going to look? And you know what? I think this is the most frightening thing to many people. Looking them directly in the eyes...they just aren't used to it. But I do start conversations and maybe just for a few moments let people realize that just because someone is a stranger to them, looks a little different from them, or whatever else seems different...that they aren't going to be bitten from just talking to someone.

But the reason why is pretty simple. What are we taught as children? What do we teach out own children? NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS. Well, that little lesson seems to carry forward into adult life for almost everyone.

**MAURER** · 09-Dec-07, 05:32 PM

i wasn't saying that you don'y like to make eye contact, merrida. quite the contrary. what i was saying is that you have realized is a mere difference between yourself and some other people. the responses here have shown that a lot of people do in fact like to make eye contact. there is nothing about "people" if you will that makes them want to avoid contact or conversation. some people are shy and its just that simple. other people do like to make eye contact and be friendly, which is also pretty simple. nothing more to it.

ajarvis · 09-Dec-07, 05:56 PM

That is one reason I LOVE this city. It's so friendly. Everyone you go by pretty much says hi or good morning etc. Cars stop for you instead of trying to run you down lol. HUGE difference from Toronto!

**Firehawk** · 09-Dec-07, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merrida

Have you ever noticed that when you're walking down the street (and it seems to be more prevalent in the city than in rural settings), and someone is walking on the same sidewalk in the opposite direction, that we do everything we can to NOT look at each other,....from looking at our feet, pretending we heard something, adjust our coats, the stand by of having our cell phone surgically implanted to our ear so we never have to fear being disconnected from.....all those people who are not really around us, so we can pay attention to someone online instead of exchanging pleasantries with the human beings in our immediate vicinity,.....

Just like when we're in an elevator. We'll hug the opposite walls, whistle, look at the ceiling (yeah, that holds a lot of interesting attention-grabbing details),....look like we're deep in contemplation (like thinking what floor we're going to get off on), or maybe even tie our shoe laces (although they're tied just fine).

We go out of our way to avoid eye contact, and we certainly go out of our way just to say "hello" (lest we be viewed as bizarre and risk being viewed as someone who's up to something!). I don't give up, I'll keep trying to at least be pleasant (either .a. because I genuinely want to, or .b. because I want to mess with their mind by being that outgoing person they're stuck with between floors on the elevator.

Does that make me ever so slightly sadistic,...or just outgoing and the friendly type?

.

If you're hot and you're walking the other way, I'm staring at you until you pass me, then I'm turned half around staring at you until i walk into something, or someone. So I don't know what you're talking about.

.

**Firehawk** · 09-Dec-07, 07:57 PM

Merrida, in all honesty, you bring up a very excellent point, and I am going to offer my opinion on why that may be.

Video games, internet, chat rooms. Society today is doing a good job of finding ways for people to communicate without ever having to do it face-to-face. The generation growing up today will have the smallest amount of contact (in my opinion) with humans to date. They can do everything from a computer. They can have everything delivered to their house from food to toilet paper.

Hell, you don't even have to go to college anymore, you can just study online. What do you think about that?

I mean, kids don't develop social skills anymore. They develop keyboard skills. It used to be a big deal when someone could type 60 words a minute. Remember the days when you'd be visiting an office with your parents and notice the 50 year old secretary typing 1000 words a minute without even looking? Now 10 year olds can do that.

How are children developing social skills these days?

**MAURER** · 09-Dec-07, 08:04 PM

its not that kids aren't being socialized properly. they are just being socialized differently because they are growing up in a different society. and yes, that society is less personal and everyone does things in the comfort of their own homes. personally, i think it sucks. what can we do about it?

**Firehawk** · 09-Dec-07, 08:17 PM

Make them play sports when they're young.

**MAURER** · 10-Dec-07, 12:01 AM

what if they don't like sports?

**Firehawk** · 10-Dec-07, 07:17 AM

Make them stay active with social events, starting at a young age so they don't get a chance to turn into what most have become and are becoming.

**MAURER** · 10-Dec-07, 11:04 AM

yeah but there have always been shy kids and kids that don't want to get involved with these activities, and there will always be these kids. i don't think that kids are necessarily evolving into being anti-social. i think that the way kids communicate and what they see as appropriate means of social engagement is simply different than it used to be.

Maxgain · 10-Dec-07, 11:58 AM

Gees whats the big problem. I dont avoid eye contact. I may give a friendly nod or smile but last thing Im going to do is just stop and talk to some stranger.

I am obviously going somewhere if walking and have things to do. Now if Im sitting around waiting for a bus etc it can be different but a lot of the time the last thing I want is to be bothered.

Is there a problem that I like time to myself to ponder my own thoughts and not worried about whether someone I dont know is annoyed because I did not acknowledge them walking by.

Oh yeah I did not have interent or pc till 16 and when I was younger Id play aports for about four hours a day.